


When You Need Me

by ProfoundCranium



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14548995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfoundCranium/pseuds/ProfoundCranium
Summary: Cortana is falling apart. The Gravemind's torture has left her broken and struggling to put the pieces back where they belong. Chief notices, and makes it his job to put her back together. Then, when faced with being separated, he comes up with a compromise.





	When You Need Me

<

I'm not gonna lie, I'm terrified.

 

Or at least, the A.I equivalent of fear. Although, if I had a heart, I'm sure it would be pounding right now. But I don't need a heart. The sound of _His_ as it absolutely pounds is a more than satisfactory substitute. The ship we were in, The Forward Unto Dawn. Half of it is _gone._ Just like that. Like it never existed. I'm here trying to figure out why.

 

But I **Can't.**

 

The noise and the feeling and the screeching and the tentacles and the breathing and the helplessness and the filth and the crying and _Chiefpleasehelpmeidon'tknowwhereiamwhereareyoui'mgonnadiegetitawayfrommedon'ttouchmeanymorepleasestoptouchingmeithurtsChiefplease-_

 

"Cortana."

 

And it all stops. I can breathe again. I'm not on High Charity. Stuck in a terminal being violated by an endless entity that wants to devour me whole. I'm with _Him._ With John. The person I swore to take care of. _"No."_ I think. _"We swore. We swore to take care of each other."_

 

"Cortana?"

 

I drown myself in numbers. _His_ Heartbeat. _His_ Blood pressure. _His_ skin. _His_ Brain waves. Not that _Thing,_ that….. _Abominations._ I feel the sensation, the _Awareness_. It all comes back to me. In intervals, like a series of switches. I power back on and the first thing I hear is John's breathing as we float together in the middle of a Cryo Bay.

 

"Cortana, Do you read?"

 

The first thing I see is the dark corridor of Cryo pods, illuminated only by John's helmet light. The first thing I feel is only thing I _want_ to feel. The cold, spine-tingling feeling of John's consciousness as it washes over me. Almost like dunking yourself in a cold bath. Infinitely better than the endless ocean that was used to torture me, tease me, and abuse me aboard High Charity. I notice and take in every detail as I observe the Cryo Bay. The small dents here or there from flash unfreezing. The decrepit look of the whole area, the empty shelving above every pod, the ransacked weapon rack at the end of the corridor, the random picture of a woman floating amidst several empty boxes around the Bay, the fact that everything _was_ floating.

 

"Cortana, are you there?"

 

My A.I brain took note of it all, and tucked every bit away as it was organized and filed. But you can't put files into a full folder. Computers don't work that way. That was made clear after the first couple days. I'm starting to slip back. I feel cold. But I can't feel temperature right? I feel the slime on the ground and the thickness of the air. But…..I'm not supposed to. I can hear his voice now. Slimy, disgusting and ancient as he whispers secrets and empty promises into my ears. Making see and feel things I never asked for and causing problems that can never be fixed. But never John. No matter what was said, that monster could never touch my Spartan. But that doesn't change that what he said was fact.

 

7 years, that's all I had. And three of those years were already down the drain. But it's fine. I say it's fine but somewhere there's a part of me that is still stuck on High Charity. Wailing and screaming and yelling and crying and sobbing and swearing and bleeding and dying and _begging_ for it to PLEASE JUST END-

 

"Cortana!"

 

I snap out of it for a second time. And everything is exactly the same way it was two minutes ago. An empty, decrepit, Cryo Bay.

 

But this time, I speak back.

 

"I'm here Chief." I hear the relieved breath he takes, too low to be heard by anyone. Except me. John starts moving, and it feels so familiar that I would have started crying if I could. He starts grabbing onto walls, floors and ceilings as he tugs his way down the ship.

 

"What happened?"

 

It takes a few milliseconds longer than usual for me to respond. John doesn't notice. Or if he does, he doesn't mention it.

 

"The slip space portal." I start as I scan the ship looking for damage. "It was unstable. When the Ring fired it damaged the Ark. Turbulence tore us clean in half mid entry."

 

"What happened to the other half?" I hear the slightest hitch in his voice. Unnoticeable by anyone. Except me. He's worried about Arbiter.

 

"It most likely made it all the way through." I can give him that reassurance at least. His heart rate drops a few beats as he slumps the slightest bit in relief. We keep moving through the empty hallway. The silence scares me. Reminds me of that infested nightmare. So I start talking.

 

"We did it. You did it. The Rings, the Covenant, The F-flood." John notices the stutter. The light tense of his shoulders is all the confirmation I need.

 

"It's finished." John removes me from his helmet and puts in in a terminal. As he pulls my Chip out it feels **_so wrong_** that I actually reach out and try to grab him. Only to realize that I don't have a body. I'm slot into the terminal and immediately receive a mountain of alerts and reports about the ships condition. But I shove it all aside because damn-it, I need to focus on him. I create my avatar and just _look_ at him.

 

John floats there. Staring at me behind that helmet that I can't remember when he last took off. I can't feel his vitals or his brain waves anymore. But I know that he's calm right now. Observing  in a way that he normally isn't. Even now he makes me feel safe.

 

"Cortana." My attention snaps straight to John's visor when he says my name. His tone is strange, like he has a question he doesn't want an answer to.

 

"Yes Chief?" He tilts his head a bit before pulling himself down to the ground. He's laying down now, head first on the terminal. Right in front of me.

 

"What's the first thing you remember after the portal collapsed?"

 

My mind stalls at his question. I can't give him the real answer. _Heillthrowmeawayandi'llbealoneandi'llgethurtagainandpleasedon'tleaveme-_

 

"Cortana." His voice pulls me back again and I give an answer immediately.

 

"T-the Cryo bay. The f-first thing I remember is the C-cryo B-bay." My stutter is even worse now and I hate myself for not being able to keep it together. All I can do is look away as his eyes bore into my soul. I can feel him shift, give me a questioning gaze. Like he's solving a puzzle in his head.

 

"We didn't start in the Cryo bay."

 

I'm so shocked at his words that I look right back up with my jaw agape. He's still looking right at me, as if he didn't just say what  he said.

 

"We started in the vehicle bay. Where we landed in the Warthog with Arbiter. It took me ten minutes to travel from there, through the elevator shaft, up to here."

 

I'm in shock at this revelation, and I'm terrified, because he caught me in my lie.

 

"B-but that’s not…… I'm not-"

 

"You were silent the whole time Cortana." John speaks again with a more urgent tone to his voice. "It took you twelve minutes to respond to your name being called."

 

At that point my avatar was flickering. I was so scared that my code was starting to scramble itself.

 

"What happened Cortana?"

 

That was the wrong question to ask, and I'm almost certain he knows it. The better question to ask would have been 'What _didn't_ happen?' the Gravemind pillaged everything he could out of me. He hurt me more than any other being ever had. I've never felt so broken, mixed up, so irrevocably wrong.

 

"I-" I look up at John. He looks back patiently. Waiting for me to move first. "The Gravemind."

 

John tenses up immediately at the name of that disgusting creature. "He hurt me." I see John hands clench together, a sign of his anger.

 

"H-he violated me. He ravaged all the data he could out of me. It hurt." My voice sounds so childlike, I'm disgusted with myself, but I can't stop it because it's the truth. My vocal speakers mimic a broken sob before continuing.

 

"H-he wanted the Ring index." I'm sitting down now, pulling my knees up to my chest because _I'm so scared._

 

"I still hear him." I look around and I can still see images of puss, blood, and tentacles coating the walls. "I can still _feel_ him."

 

John looks at me for a _long_ time. The whole time I'm barely keeping it together. I'm trying my absolute hardest to not break down crying in front of him. Eventually John just sighs and stands up. I panic a little as he takes a step away from me, but before I can say anything he grabs my chip and yanks it right out of the terminal. I realize what he's doing and all my panic subsides immediately. John slips the chip back into his helmet and sits down on the floor, back resting against the terminal I was just in.

 

"I can't do this all the time. But, if I can help like this, I'll sit here as long as I can." I start crying. I know it's bad and he probably hates the sound I'm making as it plays through his comms. But I can't help it. I was so sure that he would chuck me out like some broken piece of hardware when I told him the truth. But I should have expected better. He cares. Of course he cares, he always has. And nothing has ever made me happier.

 

"Thank You John."

 

We sit there on the steel floor together for hours. At some point I reactivated air pressure and gravity. I could tell John was happy about it, even if he didn't say anything. But we couldn't do this forever. John did have to eventually get into the Cryo pod, and I was dreading that moment. John stands up and puts me back into the terminal. This time the exit feels less traumatic but I still hate the feeling of emptiness that follows.

 

"Cortana."

 

I summon my avatar for the second time and level my gaze straight at John. Letting him know that I have his attention.

 

"Are you gonna be alright?" I take a few milliseconds to actually think about John's question. But, as of this moment, I can't think of a reason to refuse. So I give an answer.

 

"I'll be fine Chief. For awhile at least." John levels a glance at me before nodding in satisfaction and walking over to his pod. Desperate to hear his voice again I keep talking.

 

"I'll drop a beacon but it might be awhile before someone finds us." I look away as the realization of what I'm about to have to do hits me. "Maybe even years."

 

"Wake me when you need me."

 

I don't look at John. I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna survive without being able to hear his voice or feel his breathing or feel safe or-

 

"Cortana." I could never ignore him. That was one of the reasons I chose him all those years ago when we first met. I couldn't ignore him then and I certainly can't ignore him now. I meet his gaze with my own immediately. He's standing outside his Cryo Pod staring at me.

 

"Wake me when _you_ need me." He emphasizes his statement by pointing at me. And in that moment I'm so relieved that all I can do is nod at him. I don't trust my voice to work. He climb into his pod and I watch as the lid closes and the temperature starts dropping. John's eyes never leave me. Not until sleep claims him.

 

I sigh as I pull up a menu and start looking over the ship alerts. I quickly record an emergency beacon and broadcast it out. Maybe someone will actually find it before Rampancy claims me, but the simulations I'm running let me know not to get my hopes up. I'm alone again, but I have work to do and someone to take care of. I always keep a tab open on John's vitals. Watching over him just like I promised. And one week later, when the stress becomes too much. I wake John up so that he can keep his end of the deal.

 

I told him never to make a girl a promise if he knew he couldn't keep it. But he's doing a pretty good job of keeping this one.

 

**The End**


End file.
